This morning I got up early to not drop an inspiration. I realized everything I was doing in the last months was a quest towards the knowledge of God. But actually it was only towards his knowledge, not Himself. The talents, art, writing, science, were my inexperienced attempts to raise my consciousness to reach him.
I failed, and I am happy I failed.
I understood that we can’t know God through our own talents, this leads actually to the non-knowledge of God. Trying to use talents to touch a higher entity is doomed to fail.
I started to grasp the following words in a different light:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.Isaiah 55:8-9
Talents are not meant to be for our needs, as they are limited by our own humanity and we can’t embrace the divine through them. We can just witness and express what we experience, without fully understanding it. For example in art, we can convey our inner states and express them through beauty. But beauty is not about perfection, rather a symbol, which stands for deeper meanings than the artist himself can comprehend.
Therefore our talents are not a means to ascend and get, rather a gift which is given to descend and gift other people, who can have a glimpse of the divine through art.
Talents acquire their true value and meaning when we use them as a gift for others.
As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater. so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.Isaiah 55:10-11
Compassion and forgiveness
Further, I realized that we can experience God only through its purest forms of love, compassion and forgiveness.
Compassion and forgiveness are a double-process:
- They force you to sink in the deep of your heart and face your deepest pains.
- They give you more understanding about your own humanity in order to accept it.
Compassion and forgiveness are self-healing processes, through which our heart widens and our spirit raises. They oblige us to find new resources inside us, resources we didn’t know to have, and embrace a purer form of loving. It doesn’t matter to ever experience the love of God in its entirety, what matters is to have a higher ideal to look at, towards which we can strive to improve ourselves every day.
Today it will not work, and maybe just a little tomorrow, but after long time, looking back at yourself, you will find out that the journey was worth it.